Tuesday, May 25, 2010

You're not even conceived yet and I'm already worried about you!

Fast worker, kid. I've been on a rollercoaster of hope/ hopelessness/ more hope the past 36 hours, on your behalf. Do you exist? Do you not? Was there enough motile sperm to make you? The doctor's office called and recommended we switch donors next time. No breaking the news gently that this time is a bust, just blunt facts and recommendations without an attempt (that I can understand) to explain what's going on. However, I'm still waiting and hoping. Why? Because your Daddy rocks. He called the office (well, lab) back and got more information from a more helpful, sympathetic person. And that person said you've still got a chance. Let's hope you've got some of the guinea stubbornness in you from me and Nana and fight for your existence and implant. You can do this. I know it seems like a long journey, but you can do it.

I love you so much.



Sunday, May 23, 2010

Dear Baby

The IUI was yesterday. I hope you are in the process of being created right this minute inside me. You are so incredibly wanted, and we've been waiting a long time for you. Both of us want you to join are family very soon! Please let this be the month you decide to start growing and can meet us in nine months.

Things are great without you, but they'll be even better once you're here. Your parents love each other very much and have a lot of fun together. We know that this is a time that you'll never really believe existed or be able to completely visualize (the time before you were born), but know somewhere in your unconsciousness that you've been thought of for years and have been part of the family for a long time, even though you're not here yet.

We already have names picked out. But we do want to meet you to make sure the name suits you, specifically, before we announce them, even to you. (Maybe when you're a little closer to meeting us I'll whisper them to you.)

I'm here. Your mom. Just waiting for you to decide to join us here on earth. I hope you're here soon, as there are so very many of us wanting to see you. My parents, and your dad's parents, and all of our families. You'll have three aunts and three uncles and TONS of honorary aunts and uncles and great-aunts and great-uncles. And two great-grandmothers. (But only one of those great-grandmothers will see you often - you're going to adore Nana. She's so eager to meet you!!) You'll be the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Oh, you are going to be so spoiled by them all!

Your dad is raring to go playing baby games and teaching you how to play soccer and baseball when you get older and sing you songs. I can't wait to sing and play pretend and blocks and do craft projects and read you every book I can get my hands on. I hope you'll like to read and sing as much as I do, and that you'll have your dad's blue eyes and sense of adventure.

I want you. I am waiting for you, and I love you so much already. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and tell you about our family and all my hopes and dreams for you. Since I can't hold you yet, I am writing you these letters to let you know how wanted you are, and to let you get a feel for us and your family before you get here.

I love you, baby.