Dear Alex,
I can't believe it's been four months since you were born. It seems like such a short amount of time - four months. But it feels like you've been here a lot longer than that. You've grown and changed so much since I first saw you as a tiny little thing in a yellow hat in the operating room!
Right now, you can roll from your tummy to your back and from your back to your side. Your eyes are changing from blue-grey to a rainbow - amber/green toward the pupil and dark blue-grey toward the whites of your eyes. Your hair is light brown with undertones of red. If you end up with green eyes and red hair I am going to be very surprised and very excited! More likely you'll have brown eyes and brown hair like me, though.
Your hip brace is able to be removed for several hours a day now, and that makes many things a lot easier. The car seat, for one. And holding you. Side-lying nursing with it is still awkward because you either have to lie flat on your back and turn your head or have one leg dangling up in the air.
You've started doing this pretend-shy thing with strangers (even Gramma & Papi) where you bury your face in my/ Daddy's shoulder for a moment then look back at the other people and smile really big. It's adorable and a total act. You're not a bit shy!
I like to see you interacting with other people. Your smile is just so cute. YOU are cute! I smile at you and you smile back. Sometimes you reach your hands out to me. Very often in the mornings you'll look toward where I am in the bed if I've gotten up and your Daddy's holding you. He says you "know where the milk comes from"!
Speaking of milk, nursing is going pretty well. You nurse often but still take a bottle when it's just too much touching for me, or I can't be there. Sleep is another issue, though - after doing great with sleep for almost 4 months, over the past week or so you've been waking up more and nursing more at night. This is normal, but it's still leaving me very tired in the mornings!
Lately I've been really enjoying you and happy with how you're growing (although I wish it wasn't going by so fast!) Playing with you is so much fun. You make cute noises and smile and try to nom on the toys. I'm trying to get you to learn to roll from your back to tummy, with or without the brace, but so far we've only gotten you to your side before you get stuck.
You are awesome and I am so, so, so happy you're part of my family!
Lots and lots of love,
Mummy
Monday, March 5, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Happy Transfer Day!
Dear Alex,
I'm watching you across the room from me, asleep and swaddled in your swing. You're just adorable. But a year ago, I was lying at home in bed at this time, "recovering" from our third IVF transfer and wondering if this one would take. I'd already nicknamed you Flash and put your first picture on the fridge to encourage positive thinking.
We got bundled up and drove through the snow to the IVF lab about 30 minutes away, and I watched Whose Line is it Anyway? on Daddy's laptop after we'd checked in and changed into hospital gear. Your Daddy drew a clown nose on himself in green pen to make me laugh - we were doing everything we could to help me relax and laugh. I knit - I forget what, but most likely it was socks. I believe I promised all the nurses socks if it worked. All the medical staff were super friendly and nice, and everything went very smoothly. I got bundled up in warm blankets and wheeled into the procedure room. There were bright lights and several people. I remember thinking that I didn't really want to do this again, that it wasn't particularly comfortable or enjoyable but that if it worked it would be worth it. And that's what kept me breathing - the hope that it would work.
There was lots of lab/ administrative stuff, like having to check my name and birthdate several times over. The actual transfer was fast and "textbook". In the previous transfers I'd had a great view of the ultrasound screen, but I only got a peek this time at the flash on the screen as the embryo (you!) was ejected from the syringe and deposited in the middle of my uterus. After a short wait to let the lab check that the syringe was clear of embryos, I was wheeled back to the waiting area to rest for awhile before packing up. (I also remember getting up and using the bathroom before my time was up, as they made me drink a bunch of water to help with ultrasound visibility. I wasn't too worried about it "taking" or not just from getting up that once.)
I spent the rest of the day resting in bed or on the couch. And the rest of the week waiting and wondering and looking for symptoms.
I am so glad that you are finally here. You have been an amazing kid so far and I don't think you'll ever really know how happy I am to have you in my life.
It's been an awesome year!!
Love,
Mommy
I'm watching you across the room from me, asleep and swaddled in your swing. You're just adorable. But a year ago, I was lying at home in bed at this time, "recovering" from our third IVF transfer and wondering if this one would take. I'd already nicknamed you Flash and put your first picture on the fridge to encourage positive thinking.
We got bundled up and drove through the snow to the IVF lab about 30 minutes away, and I watched Whose Line is it Anyway? on Daddy's laptop after we'd checked in and changed into hospital gear. Your Daddy drew a clown nose on himself in green pen to make me laugh - we were doing everything we could to help me relax and laugh. I knit - I forget what, but most likely it was socks. I believe I promised all the nurses socks if it worked. All the medical staff were super friendly and nice, and everything went very smoothly. I got bundled up in warm blankets and wheeled into the procedure room. There were bright lights and several people. I remember thinking that I didn't really want to do this again, that it wasn't particularly comfortable or enjoyable but that if it worked it would be worth it. And that's what kept me breathing - the hope that it would work.
There was lots of lab/ administrative stuff, like having to check my name and birthdate several times over. The actual transfer was fast and "textbook". In the previous transfers I'd had a great view of the ultrasound screen, but I only got a peek this time at the flash on the screen as the embryo (you!) was ejected from the syringe and deposited in the middle of my uterus. After a short wait to let the lab check that the syringe was clear of embryos, I was wheeled back to the waiting area to rest for awhile before packing up. (I also remember getting up and using the bathroom before my time was up, as they made me drink a bunch of water to help with ultrasound visibility. I wasn't too worried about it "taking" or not just from getting up that once.)
I spent the rest of the day resting in bed or on the couch. And the rest of the week waiting and wondering and looking for symptoms.
I am so glad that you are finally here. You have been an amazing kid so far and I don't think you'll ever really know how happy I am to have you in my life.
It's been an awesome year!!
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, February 16, 2012
3 months
Dear Alex,
You're adorable. And terrifying, now that you've learned how to roll over. We often just put you on the bed, and you'll entertain yourself and we don't have to worry about your safety . . . but that's changing. If we leave you on your tummy, there's a good chance you'll be on your back if we turn away for too long. So we need to watch out. I love that you can roll with your brace on - it reassures me that you can still hit all your milestones even though you've got this awful contraption strapped to your legs and waist.
You're make lots of little word-sounding noises. I've heard you "say" yeah, green, mommy, and ok. I know you're not actually talking yet, that these syllables just happen to sound like words, but I love them anyway. When I held up green and purple pants and asked you which one you'd like to wear and you said "geen!" it made me laugh so hard I had trouble getting you dressed!
You're also beginning to teethe. You try to eat your hands, and you drool. You had a screaming meltdown in Northampton at mom's circle the other day, I can only assume from teething pain, since I haven't heard you cry like that ever before, or since. Neither had anyone else in the group - they were so surprised you were crying! It lasted for about half an hour, during which I attempted to comfort you and pack up our stuff, thinking I would drive you down to the doctor's office and demand that they fix you (find something to make you more comfortable, like a pain reliever). Of course, as soon as I got your fleece on and you strapped into the carrier, you conked out fast asleep and I could rejoin the group. I was worried, but since you haven't done it again, I'm not as concerned.
In general, you're a happy, alert, sociable baby. You love playing with your baby gym and batting at the links and toys that dangle from it. As in, you'll play with it for extremely long stretches of time - like an hour. Iv'e never heard of a baby playing with one thing for that long! Yesterday morning you fell asleep playing with it. It was adorable. :)
This past weekend we visiting Daddy's parents out near Boston and went to the Museum of Science to see the Pompeii exhibit. I nursed you while walking around the exhibit, which is the weirdest place we'd breastfed to date. We also visited the infant area in the discovery center for a little while and you made friends with a 6-month-old who was already crawling. You weren't too interested in the exhibits and fell asleep pretty quickly after that.
Right now you are sleeping in your swing after sleeping all night and going to fitness training with me this morning. You went to a Toastmasters meeting with me last night and came up with me to do a Table Topics about weather. You and Daddy spent Tuesday night (Valentine's Day) together while I was at knitting group, and you both loved it.
I am so excited to see you continue to reach developmental milestones and grow and become your own person. It's sad too, that you don't really fit into your newborn outfits anymore, and that you're one of the oldest babies at the Beyond Birth group at the hospital, but we have you and you're happy and pretty healthy, and that's all that mattters.
You are so loved, munchkin. I'm looking forward to seeing what you'll do next!
Love love love,
Mommy
You're adorable. And terrifying, now that you've learned how to roll over. We often just put you on the bed, and you'll entertain yourself and we don't have to worry about your safety . . . but that's changing. If we leave you on your tummy, there's a good chance you'll be on your back if we turn away for too long. So we need to watch out. I love that you can roll with your brace on - it reassures me that you can still hit all your milestones even though you've got this awful contraption strapped to your legs and waist.
You're make lots of little word-sounding noises. I've heard you "say" yeah, green, mommy, and ok. I know you're not actually talking yet, that these syllables just happen to sound like words, but I love them anyway. When I held up green and purple pants and asked you which one you'd like to wear and you said "geen!" it made me laugh so hard I had trouble getting you dressed!
You're also beginning to teethe. You try to eat your hands, and you drool. You had a screaming meltdown in Northampton at mom's circle the other day, I can only assume from teething pain, since I haven't heard you cry like that ever before, or since. Neither had anyone else in the group - they were so surprised you were crying! It lasted for about half an hour, during which I attempted to comfort you and pack up our stuff, thinking I would drive you down to the doctor's office and demand that they fix you (find something to make you more comfortable, like a pain reliever). Of course, as soon as I got your fleece on and you strapped into the carrier, you conked out fast asleep and I could rejoin the group. I was worried, but since you haven't done it again, I'm not as concerned.
In general, you're a happy, alert, sociable baby. You love playing with your baby gym and batting at the links and toys that dangle from it. As in, you'll play with it for extremely long stretches of time - like an hour. Iv'e never heard of a baby playing with one thing for that long! Yesterday morning you fell asleep playing with it. It was adorable. :)
This past weekend we visiting Daddy's parents out near Boston and went to the Museum of Science to see the Pompeii exhibit. I nursed you while walking around the exhibit, which is the weirdest place we'd breastfed to date. We also visited the infant area in the discovery center for a little while and you made friends with a 6-month-old who was already crawling. You weren't too interested in the exhibits and fell asleep pretty quickly after that.
Right now you are sleeping in your swing after sleeping all night and going to fitness training with me this morning. You went to a Toastmasters meeting with me last night and came up with me to do a Table Topics about weather. You and Daddy spent Tuesday night (Valentine's Day) together while I was at knitting group, and you both loved it.
I am so excited to see you continue to reach developmental milestones and grow and become your own person. It's sad too, that you don't really fit into your newborn outfits anymore, and that you're one of the oldest babies at the Beyond Birth group at the hospital, but we have you and you're happy and pretty healthy, and that's all that mattters.
You are so loved, munchkin. I'm looking forward to seeing what you'll do next!
Love love love,
Mommy
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Hip Brace
Dear Alex,
We've had quite the weekend. And I don't necessarily mean that it was all good. On Friday, your harness came off (yay!) and you got your Brace. You cried when the orthotist put it on you. Maybe it's only because you weren't wearing anything between The Brace and your skin, but it sounded much more like you HATED it and wanted out NOW. The fussiness has continued through now (Sunday night). There are definitely moments of smiling and cooing where you're happy and sociable, but much more often over the last two days, you've been fussing, wanting to nurse, or sleeping. (The last time I changed your diaper you were fussing until I took The Brace off. Then you were all smiles.) I've been really upset about The Brace too, since it's so much more in-your-face than the harness. We could very nearly ignore the harness. The Brace has to be removed and reapplied for every diaper change. It's much easier for people to pity you with The Brace - the harness was downright cute in comparison. I'm planning on dressing it up with some fabric soon, so it doesn't look so scary and medical.
It's nice to be able to have more clothing options, yes, and the freedom to get you 100% naked for a bath is nice, but I don't think the pros outweigh the cons in terms of practicalities. I just hope that it really helps your hips get fixed and that you'll be out of it as soon as possible.
There's some comfort in knowing that you won't have any memory of wearing the brace, that this will all just be stories we tell you when you're older.
We've had quite the weekend. And I don't necessarily mean that it was all good. On Friday, your harness came off (yay!) and you got your Brace. You cried when the orthotist put it on you. Maybe it's only because you weren't wearing anything between The Brace and your skin, but it sounded much more like you HATED it and wanted out NOW. The fussiness has continued through now (Sunday night). There are definitely moments of smiling and cooing where you're happy and sociable, but much more often over the last two days, you've been fussing, wanting to nurse, or sleeping. (The last time I changed your diaper you were fussing until I took The Brace off. Then you were all smiles.) I've been really upset about The Brace too, since it's so much more in-your-face than the harness. We could very nearly ignore the harness. The Brace has to be removed and reapplied for every diaper change. It's much easier for people to pity you with The Brace - the harness was downright cute in comparison. I'm planning on dressing it up with some fabric soon, so it doesn't look so scary and medical.
It's nice to be able to have more clothing options, yes, and the freedom to get you 100% naked for a bath is nice, but I don't think the pros outweigh the cons in terms of practicalities. I just hope that it really helps your hips get fixed and that you'll be out of it as soon as possible.
There's some comfort in knowing that you won't have any memory of wearing the brace, that this will all just be stories we tell you when you're older.
Monday, January 9, 2012
2 months/ 9 weeks
Dear Alex,
It is crazy how cute you are. Right now you're (finally) asleep in your swing after a long and hard-fought battle to keep your eyes open. I just got finished pumping, and Daddy is in the bedroom, researching some problems I'm having with nursing. The last few days have been tough, as you are clearly anti-right-side nursing at the moment, but you're also sleeping like a champ most of the time, including usually through the night (5-6 hours at a stretch overnight sometimes).
You're smiling now. Not all the time, but definitely at me and at strangers (possibly not at Daddy, though. Hmm.) You will usually settle down more with me than if a stranger is holding you. You don't freak when someone else holds you, though, and that's a relief. You're awesome and everything, but I need my space and time to myself sometimes, too! I'm hoping that laughing is coming up soon.
Your first Christmas was a success. You had a red velvet dress that you wore on Christmas Eve to Aunt Peggy's house for Mom's family party and to Midnight Mass where we heard Bubba sing and got to sit in the cry room for the first time. We took pictures of you in your Christmas dress lying in the manger the Sunday school kids used in the Christmas pageant. (I think we emailed those pictures to you - if not they're on the Shutterfly site that I really hope will still exist when you're old enough to read this and want to see the pictures.) We hung up the stocking that Nana made for you that looks just like mine, and you sat in my lap on Christmas morning to open presents. For our first New Year's Eve together we stayed at home, watched the last two Harry Potter movies, and had ice cream milkshakes and sparkling cider. It was more fun than standing out in the cold for First Night Northampton or than driving home from a party at a friend's house over an hour away. It was just the three of us, and that made it perfect.
Last week you went to yet another appointment for your hip at Shriner's. They put you into a MEDIUM sized harness, and I definitely wasn't ready to hear that you're medium-sized now. Aren't you supposed to be small and a peanut for a little while longer? It feels like you are growing so fast in these last few weeks! I'm hoping that at your next appointment, in two weeks, they'll put you into something less restrictive, that we can take off every now and then for a bath and easier diaper changes.
We put up the doorway jumper a couple of days ago, 2 months ahead of the recommended age. You looked so tiny in it the first time we put you in! You were flopping forward and we had to stuff towels in around you. But then we bought a "Hugga Bebe", which supports you all around, including behind your head, and that helped a lot. You fell asleep in it after that, since we were using it more as a swing than a jumper. That's definitely okay, we have a lot of time to play around with it in the upcoming months.
We have started using cloth diapers on you as of yesterday. The plan is to use disposables overnight and for travel until we run out of the thousand or so I got at the baby shower. I think we forgot to change you into disposables tonight, though, so I see a swing seat-washing in my future.
Last night my friend C, her husband N, and her 2 daughters came over to visit, as they were visiting friends and family on their trip back here from where they live in Singapore. E is 3 and R is 12 weeks, just a little bit older than you. If things had gone according to due dates, you'd be older than R since I was due a week earlier than C, but R came out at 35.5 weeks and you came out at 39.5 weeks. It doesn't really matter, as you're clearly two very different little girls anyway. You look much chunkier because of your harness. Holding R was definitely a different experience from holding you. She felt "squishier" and more fragile - no Velcro strap around her chest! Again, I will send pictures of you and R. I really hope that you and she will become friends as you get older, and not just tolerate each other because your moms are friends.
You come with me to the gym for personal training. The first time, I wore you in a sling, but the owner said that maybe that wasn't the best idea, so since then we've put you in an Exersaucer until you get crabby, then hand you off to whoever is around and willing to hold a baby for the rest of the session. Then I feed you (if the baby holder person hasn't fed you a bottle of expressed milk - sometimes you just can't wait till I'm done!), change, and we go home or on to run errands. It works pretty well because I don't have to worry about getting a babysitter for you, everyone at the gym gets to ooh and aah over how cute you are, and you get to know more people than just us parents and a babysitter.
Tomorrow is your two-month appointment at the doctor's. You'll be getting your first immunization shots, aside from the Hep B one I wasn't present for at the hospital. I'm not nervous, exactly. But I don't know what to expect with you and needles, and I don't know what side effects are normal and what I should worry about. We'll get through it together. I'm not too worried.
You continue to love your pacifier and the hair dryer. We haven't weaned off the nipple shield yet, but we've had some success feeding without it a couple of times. Your dad has finally relented and allowed small amounts of pink into your wardrobe (e.g. socks). You have a love/hate relationship with the car seat. As long as you have your pacifier in your mouth, all is good with the seat, but ifyou spit it falls out you sound like the world is ending until I can twist around to hold it back in your mouth.
Our third month together is looking good. I know that in a couple of months you won't be sleeping as well, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. The nursing problems are going to work themselves out, or we'll get help with them. Either way, that'll get better too. I wish you'd just stay this little for a lot longer than you're going to, but I can't change that. Instead, I'm just enjoying every cuddle and trying to soak in as many images and memories of you at this age as I possibly can. It's still a thing of wonder that you're here at all, that after so much time wishing and hoping and trying to have a baby, we have you. You're just what I wanted, and having you as part of our family is exactly like I imagined having a baby would be like. (Crying and everything!)
I love you and wouldn't trade you for anything or any other baby. You are my girl and will be forever.
Love forever,
Your Mommy
It is crazy how cute you are. Right now you're (finally) asleep in your swing after a long and hard-fought battle to keep your eyes open. I just got finished pumping, and Daddy is in the bedroom, researching some problems I'm having with nursing. The last few days have been tough, as you are clearly anti-right-side nursing at the moment, but you're also sleeping like a champ most of the time, including usually through the night (5-6 hours at a stretch overnight sometimes).
You're smiling now. Not all the time, but definitely at me and at strangers (possibly not at Daddy, though. Hmm.) You will usually settle down more with me than if a stranger is holding you. You don't freak when someone else holds you, though, and that's a relief. You're awesome and everything, but I need my space and time to myself sometimes, too! I'm hoping that laughing is coming up soon.
Your first Christmas was a success. You had a red velvet dress that you wore on Christmas Eve to Aunt Peggy's house for Mom's family party and to Midnight Mass where we heard Bubba sing and got to sit in the cry room for the first time. We took pictures of you in your Christmas dress lying in the manger the Sunday school kids used in the Christmas pageant. (I think we emailed those pictures to you - if not they're on the Shutterfly site that I really hope will still exist when you're old enough to read this and want to see the pictures.) We hung up the stocking that Nana made for you that looks just like mine, and you sat in my lap on Christmas morning to open presents. For our first New Year's Eve together we stayed at home, watched the last two Harry Potter movies, and had ice cream milkshakes and sparkling cider. It was more fun than standing out in the cold for First Night Northampton or than driving home from a party at a friend's house over an hour away. It was just the three of us, and that made it perfect.
Last week you went to yet another appointment for your hip at Shriner's. They put you into a MEDIUM sized harness, and I definitely wasn't ready to hear that you're medium-sized now. Aren't you supposed to be small and a peanut for a little while longer? It feels like you are growing so fast in these last few weeks! I'm hoping that at your next appointment, in two weeks, they'll put you into something less restrictive, that we can take off every now and then for a bath and easier diaper changes.
We put up the doorway jumper a couple of days ago, 2 months ahead of the recommended age. You looked so tiny in it the first time we put you in! You were flopping forward and we had to stuff towels in around you. But then we bought a "Hugga Bebe", which supports you all around, including behind your head, and that helped a lot. You fell asleep in it after that, since we were using it more as a swing than a jumper. That's definitely okay, we have a lot of time to play around with it in the upcoming months.
We have started using cloth diapers on you as of yesterday. The plan is to use disposables overnight and for travel until we run out of the thousand or so I got at the baby shower. I think we forgot to change you into disposables tonight, though, so I see a swing seat-washing in my future.
Last night my friend C, her husband N, and her 2 daughters came over to visit, as they were visiting friends and family on their trip back here from where they live in Singapore. E is 3 and R is 12 weeks, just a little bit older than you. If things had gone according to due dates, you'd be older than R since I was due a week earlier than C, but R came out at 35.5 weeks and you came out at 39.5 weeks. It doesn't really matter, as you're clearly two very different little girls anyway. You look much chunkier because of your harness. Holding R was definitely a different experience from holding you. She felt "squishier" and more fragile - no Velcro strap around her chest! Again, I will send pictures of you and R. I really hope that you and she will become friends as you get older, and not just tolerate each other because your moms are friends.
You come with me to the gym for personal training. The first time, I wore you in a sling, but the owner said that maybe that wasn't the best idea, so since then we've put you in an Exersaucer until you get crabby, then hand you off to whoever is around and willing to hold a baby for the rest of the session. Then I feed you (if the baby holder person hasn't fed you a bottle of expressed milk - sometimes you just can't wait till I'm done!), change, and we go home or on to run errands. It works pretty well because I don't have to worry about getting a babysitter for you, everyone at the gym gets to ooh and aah over how cute you are, and you get to know more people than just us parents and a babysitter.
Tomorrow is your two-month appointment at the doctor's. You'll be getting your first immunization shots, aside from the Hep B one I wasn't present for at the hospital. I'm not nervous, exactly. But I don't know what to expect with you and needles, and I don't know what side effects are normal and what I should worry about. We'll get through it together. I'm not too worried.
You continue to love your pacifier and the hair dryer. We haven't weaned off the nipple shield yet, but we've had some success feeding without it a couple of times. Your dad has finally relented and allowed small amounts of pink into your wardrobe (e.g. socks). You have a love/hate relationship with the car seat. As long as you have your pacifier in your mouth, all is good with the seat, but if
Our third month together is looking good. I know that in a couple of months you won't be sleeping as well, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. The nursing problems are going to work themselves out, or we'll get help with them. Either way, that'll get better too. I wish you'd just stay this little for a lot longer than you're going to, but I can't change that. Instead, I'm just enjoying every cuddle and trying to soak in as many images and memories of you at this age as I possibly can. It's still a thing of wonder that you're here at all, that after so much time wishing and hoping and trying to have a baby, we have you. You're just what I wanted, and having you as part of our family is exactly like I imagined having a baby would be like. (Crying and everything!)
I love you and wouldn't trade you for anything or any other baby. You are my girl and will be forever.
Love forever,
Your Mommy
Friday, December 9, 2011
One Month
Dear Alex,
You've been with us for five weeks. We're starting to get the hang of taking care of you and figuring out what the issue is when you cry. (Hint: it's usually that you want food. You stick your tongue out as a very early sign that you're thinking about eating AGAIN.) You make the cutest, funniest faces, and when I'm tired and frustrated, watching you make some funny faces will cheer me up again immediately.
You are still in a Pavlik harness, but I think that very soon, maybe even at your next appointment to Shriners in three days, you'll be graduated to a smaller brace. This means you'll (probably) be able to wear normal onesies again instead of the side-snap T-shirts and we'll be able to see your feet again and wear normal sized- socks and leggings. None of this seems to phaze you at all, even the shoulder straps rubbing against your neck. The worst of it for you is that the straps slow us down while changing your diaper.
Over the last week or so, you've begun making sounds that aren't grunting and crying, words like "blerg" and "blat" that are very cute. You have started to reach your hands out toward things, though not very accurately, and I've seen you look at me and at Daddy more often, especially when you hear us. Less and less often are you looking to the sides or over the tops of our faces. You also get crossed eyes more often, which is really funny looking and, luckily, perfectly normal for young babies.
You want to eat more or less constantly. I pump milk regularly in self-defense, otherwise I'd constantly be sitting on the bed with you nursing. This way I can pump, which is faster than you getting milk directly from me, and feed you from the bottle, which you also drink more quickly than you would nurse with me.
This means that you're alert and just hanging out more often, too. I talk to you a lot, and make faces at you, and occasionally sing. (You don't like the singing part too much yet.) I feel like we should read to you more often. When we do, you look at the pictures, so you'd definitely be getting something out of it.
You've met all the major players in your life now: all of Mommy's and Daddy's "immediate" families (in Mommy's case that's more than her parents and siblings). I'm working on -okay, thinking about starting to work on - a photo book for you of all their faces and names so you can see their pictures more often. With all this time at the pump you'd think I'd have started it already, but I haven't. I haven't finalized your birth announcement yet either, although it's all ready to go except a second picture.
You are a total cuddle-bug. You never want to be put down. Very often I'll finish feeding you and hold you snuggled against my neck and shoulder. If I try to put you down, you'll wake up and protest and want to eat until you fall asleep again. I'm getting better about getting you back to sleep without the feeding. If you'd only learn to keep the pacifier in your mouth, that would be going a lot easier too.
Your Daddy and I love you a lot and are so glad you're part of our family.
Lots of love,
Mommy
You've been with us for five weeks. We're starting to get the hang of taking care of you and figuring out what the issue is when you cry. (Hint: it's usually that you want food. You stick your tongue out as a very early sign that you're thinking about eating AGAIN.) You make the cutest, funniest faces, and when I'm tired and frustrated, watching you make some funny faces will cheer me up again immediately.
You are still in a Pavlik harness, but I think that very soon, maybe even at your next appointment to Shriners in three days, you'll be graduated to a smaller brace. This means you'll (probably) be able to wear normal onesies again instead of the side-snap T-shirts and we'll be able to see your feet again and wear normal sized- socks and leggings. None of this seems to phaze you at all, even the shoulder straps rubbing against your neck. The worst of it for you is that the straps slow us down while changing your diaper.
Over the last week or so, you've begun making sounds that aren't grunting and crying, words like "blerg" and "blat" that are very cute. You have started to reach your hands out toward things, though not very accurately, and I've seen you look at me and at Daddy more often, especially when you hear us. Less and less often are you looking to the sides or over the tops of our faces. You also get crossed eyes more often, which is really funny looking and, luckily, perfectly normal for young babies.
You want to eat more or less constantly. I pump milk regularly in self-defense, otherwise I'd constantly be sitting on the bed with you nursing. This way I can pump, which is faster than you getting milk directly from me, and feed you from the bottle, which you also drink more quickly than you would nurse with me.
This means that you're alert and just hanging out more often, too. I talk to you a lot, and make faces at you, and occasionally sing. (You don't like the singing part too much yet.) I feel like we should read to you more often. When we do, you look at the pictures, so you'd definitely be getting something out of it.
You've met all the major players in your life now: all of Mommy's and Daddy's "immediate" families (in Mommy's case that's more than her parents and siblings). I'm working on -okay, thinking about starting to work on - a photo book for you of all their faces and names so you can see their pictures more often. With all this time at the pump you'd think I'd have started it already, but I haven't. I haven't finalized your birth announcement yet either, although it's all ready to go except a second picture.
You are a total cuddle-bug. You never want to be put down. Very often I'll finish feeding you and hold you snuggled against my neck and shoulder. If I try to put you down, you'll wake up and protest and want to eat until you fall asleep again. I'm getting better about getting you back to sleep without the feeding. If you'd only learn to keep the pacifier in your mouth, that would be going a lot easier too.
Your Daddy and I love you a lot and are so glad you're part of our family.
Lots of love,
Mommy
Saturday, November 12, 2011
You're here!!!!!!
Dear Alex,
You arrived a week ago today! You were scheduled to come out this past Monday, but you decided to come a couple of days early. Your dad and I had some plans for those last couple of days, like a last date out to the movies, taking some pregnancy pictures, and resting up for your big debut. We'd finished all our appointments and work commitments and were looking forward to relaxing over the weekend. I think maybe you sensed that all the important stuff had been done and that we were ready for you. I was certainly more relaxed. We had boneless wings and mac & cheese for dinner that night (yay comfort food), and watched "The Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD twice.
Around 3:30 in the morning I had a dream that I was in labor and trying to get hold of your dad on a cell phone so we could go to the hospital. I woke up to a feeling that things weren't quite right and i asked your dad to turn on the light so I could see if the sheets were wet. They were, and when I tried to get up, there was a gush of more wetness. I told your dad that my water broke, and he panicked a little. He got me towels to lay on, and I told him to call the midwives and our doula. We were told to come to the hospital for 8 and to call back if you stopped moving. Dad started to pack his bag. I was able to get up and get myself dressed and ready, and while I was doing that, some mild contractions started. They felt more like moderate period cramps than anything else.
We got in the car and to the hospital without incident. Dad tried to wheel me into the hospital and down the hall quietly, but the wheelchair had something wrong with it and was fantastically loud. Jodie, our doula, was waiting for us. We all went into a labor/delivery/recovery room and Dad and Jodie took pictures of me, as we hadn't taken that many when I was pregnant and this was our last chance. I got changed into the hospital gown & tried to knit/ relax as a parade of nurses and doctors came by to ask questions, introduce themselves, and poke me in various places. I didn't get much knitting done, and relaxing was pretty impossible too. There were just too many interruptions. We made our preferences known, that I wanted to have skin-to-skin contact with you as soon as possible, that Daddy wanted to announce your name/ sex, that Daddy wanted to cut the umbilical cord, that things be quiet when you came out. Daddy also wanted to see the entire operation, and the anesthesiologist told him no, that he "wouldn't be able to see anything anyway", standing behind the big blue curtain. She wanted him to sit on a stool and not even stand up, in case he fainted from all the blood and everything that goes with a surgery. All the other doctors were fine with it, though, and everyone advocated for him. Finally she allowed him to be able to move between the sides of the curtain, as long as the midwife went with him.
There came a time, though, when they gave Daddy and Jodie scrubs to wear into the operating room, and soon after that started to get my bed ready to wheel away. That's when it all became very real to me: when I next came back into that room, I wouldn't be pregnant anymore, and we'd have a baby. This is what we'd waited years for. It was finally happening. I started to cry. Daddy leaned over and kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand. Then all I could see was the ceiling moving as we went out of my room, across the hall, and into the operating room.
It was very white and very cold and reminded me a little of a spaceship - very sterile and empty of everything except equipment. There were only a few people in there, all scrubbed up and busy doing something. Two or three people helped me transfer to the operating table, and after a couple of false tries, the anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block, which is a shot in the back to make you numb from the chest down. The needle pricked a little, but it wasn't bad at all. The spinal made my feet warm up, then my legs and all the way up to my chest finally warmed up. Meanwhile, my arms were being held out to the sides and a pulse clip was put on my finger. The IV was hooked up, and the blood pressure cuff started to work every couple of minutes. My feet felt like they were asleep, and I couldn't feel anything else, really, below my chest. A couple of weird tugs as the OB was putting this orange-colored stuff on my belly. That was the last thing I saw happening to the rest of me before someone put up the blue curtain, only a few inches away from my face.
Suddenly there were a lot of people in the room. Jodie was next to me, and Daddy was there too. I asked him to hold my hand, and I started crying again. Things were getting close to the important stuff, and having them in the room just made me realize it more. Jodie said that having them there made it feel more human. I said I'd rather just distance myself from it so I could relax and not cry, and she said that was okay too. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and concentrated on what I was feeling, or not feeling in most cases. They tilted the bed a tiny bit to the left, and with my arms out to my sides and very limited field of vision (and an oxygen mask on), it felt a little like I was flying.
I kept breathing with my eyes closed, or else staring up at the blue sheet, and everyone got very focused. I couldn't feel anything, but from the sounds people were making, I knew something had started. Jodie narrated for me: "There are feet!" "There's just the head left to come out now." Then I heard "28" and knew that you had been born - they had just announced your time of birth but I hadn't heard the beginning part. I didn't know if it was closer to 9:30, 10:30, or 11:30, and I didn't care. I hadn't heard you yet. Jodie said "you have a baby!" and then, finally, I heard you crying. (You sounded mad.) I saw some action over to my left- you getting to the warmer near the pediatrician, who examined you and declared you stable. While she was doing that, Daddy came over and whispered to me, "We have an Alex." I knew that meant that you were a girl, because we'd decided to name you Jonas if you were a boy.
A couple of minutes later (after I'd thrown up), Daddy brought you over to me. You were wearing the yellow hat I'd knit for you and were wrapped in one of the hospital's receiving blankets. You didn't look like I expected, but I was really happy with how you looked - better than I could have made up on my own. Really cute, especially for a newborn. You weren't crying anymore, just hanging out in your Daddy's arms with your eyes closed. I could reach your head only enough to kiss you and rub your ear with one hand. You and I and Daddy stayed like this until I was stitched up and beginning to be a little sore. We were ready to go back into the recovery room, and I was tired. Jodie tried to help us begin to breastfeed, but I was so tired I was fighting to keep my eyes open, and you weren't much more alert but were doing better than I was, anyway. I fell asleep and could vaguely hear your Daddy and Jodie talking. I think Daddy got something to eat. He helped the nurse give you your first bath and cut the umbilical cord.
When I woke up, it was much easier to focus on what was going on around me. Pretty soon after that, we moved to our post partum room, which is where we would be staying for the next 4 days. There was more practice with nursing, and more sleeping, and lots of people coming in and out to take vital signs for you and me and show your daddy and me the basics of newborn care (like changing diapers - your dad did almost all of those, since I still hadn't been given the ok to get out of bed.).
There is a lot more I could write about recovering from birth and our stay in the hospital, but I don't think it would really interest you much. A couple of highlights:
The nursing info board in our room had a place for a daily plan. In that space when we moved in was written "get to know Alex, breastfeeding, skin-to-skin".
We had incredible nurses over the weekend, even overnight.They were friendly, helpful, patient, and thought you were just adorable (you were).
All your grandparents came to visit that night and again on Sunday. They all held you. Many, many pictures were taken.
Your auntie, Bubba, and Nana came to visit on Sunday night. More pictures, more holding. That was a really fun visit.
We had some trouble getting started with the breastfeeding, so they gave me a nipple shield to use. You wouldn't suck more than a couple of times without one, and even after that and after using a pump, we had to supplement with formula a little because you never seemed "satisfied" after feeding on both sides and getting whatever milk I could pump.
Your newborn going-home outfit was enormous! The pants fit okay, but the top went down to your knees and the sleeves were nearly double the correct length.
I'm really glad you're home and that you've been doing okay. There are concerns about your weight (not gaining it back after birth quickly enough) and your hips (loose joints). We're doing round-the-clock feeding with you, and it's definitely not easy. Round-the-clock means every 2 hours during the day and every 3 hours at night. You seem to always want to either eat early (or really long after I'm supposed to have stopped) or sleep past a feeding time. Or both. Your newest trick is to nurse for longer than you should, and then cry for more when I go to pump. Today your Daddy was at a meeting for 5 hours and you wouldn't let me put you down for four of them.
Tomorrow you have two doctor's appointments: One in the morning for your hips and one in the afternoon to check your weight again. I hope it's been going up so we can stop going to the doctor's every other day.
Right now Daddy has taken you to his office, and I am alone at home. This time to be quiet and take a shower and maybe sleep for a little bit is nice, even though I'm wondering how you Daddy will be able to work and hold you at the same time. He hasn't brought anything with him but you and a big blanket.
I love you,
~Mommy
You arrived a week ago today! You were scheduled to come out this past Monday, but you decided to come a couple of days early. Your dad and I had some plans for those last couple of days, like a last date out to the movies, taking some pregnancy pictures, and resting up for your big debut. We'd finished all our appointments and work commitments and were looking forward to relaxing over the weekend. I think maybe you sensed that all the important stuff had been done and that we were ready for you. I was certainly more relaxed. We had boneless wings and mac & cheese for dinner that night (yay comfort food), and watched "The Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD twice.
Around 3:30 in the morning I had a dream that I was in labor and trying to get hold of your dad on a cell phone so we could go to the hospital. I woke up to a feeling that things weren't quite right and i asked your dad to turn on the light so I could see if the sheets were wet. They were, and when I tried to get up, there was a gush of more wetness. I told your dad that my water broke, and he panicked a little. He got me towels to lay on, and I told him to call the midwives and our doula. We were told to come to the hospital for 8 and to call back if you stopped moving. Dad started to pack his bag. I was able to get up and get myself dressed and ready, and while I was doing that, some mild contractions started. They felt more like moderate period cramps than anything else.
We got in the car and to the hospital without incident. Dad tried to wheel me into the hospital and down the hall quietly, but the wheelchair had something wrong with it and was fantastically loud. Jodie, our doula, was waiting for us. We all went into a labor/delivery/recovery room and Dad and Jodie took pictures of me, as we hadn't taken that many when I was pregnant and this was our last chance. I got changed into the hospital gown & tried to knit/ relax as a parade of nurses and doctors came by to ask questions, introduce themselves, and poke me in various places. I didn't get much knitting done, and relaxing was pretty impossible too. There were just too many interruptions. We made our preferences known, that I wanted to have skin-to-skin contact with you as soon as possible, that Daddy wanted to announce your name/ sex, that Daddy wanted to cut the umbilical cord, that things be quiet when you came out. Daddy also wanted to see the entire operation, and the anesthesiologist told him no, that he "wouldn't be able to see anything anyway", standing behind the big blue curtain. She wanted him to sit on a stool and not even stand up, in case he fainted from all the blood and everything that goes with a surgery. All the other doctors were fine with it, though, and everyone advocated for him. Finally she allowed him to be able to move between the sides of the curtain, as long as the midwife went with him.
There came a time, though, when they gave Daddy and Jodie scrubs to wear into the operating room, and soon after that started to get my bed ready to wheel away. That's when it all became very real to me: when I next came back into that room, I wouldn't be pregnant anymore, and we'd have a baby. This is what we'd waited years for. It was finally happening. I started to cry. Daddy leaned over and kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand. Then all I could see was the ceiling moving as we went out of my room, across the hall, and into the operating room.
It was very white and very cold and reminded me a little of a spaceship - very sterile and empty of everything except equipment. There were only a few people in there, all scrubbed up and busy doing something. Two or three people helped me transfer to the operating table, and after a couple of false tries, the anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block, which is a shot in the back to make you numb from the chest down. The needle pricked a little, but it wasn't bad at all. The spinal made my feet warm up, then my legs and all the way up to my chest finally warmed up. Meanwhile, my arms were being held out to the sides and a pulse clip was put on my finger. The IV was hooked up, and the blood pressure cuff started to work every couple of minutes. My feet felt like they were asleep, and I couldn't feel anything else, really, below my chest. A couple of weird tugs as the OB was putting this orange-colored stuff on my belly. That was the last thing I saw happening to the rest of me before someone put up the blue curtain, only a few inches away from my face.
Suddenly there were a lot of people in the room. Jodie was next to me, and Daddy was there too. I asked him to hold my hand, and I started crying again. Things were getting close to the important stuff, and having them in the room just made me realize it more. Jodie said that having them there made it feel more human. I said I'd rather just distance myself from it so I could relax and not cry, and she said that was okay too. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and concentrated on what I was feeling, or not feeling in most cases. They tilted the bed a tiny bit to the left, and with my arms out to my sides and very limited field of vision (and an oxygen mask on), it felt a little like I was flying.
I kept breathing with my eyes closed, or else staring up at the blue sheet, and everyone got very focused. I couldn't feel anything, but from the sounds people were making, I knew something had started. Jodie narrated for me: "There are feet!" "There's just the head left to come out now." Then I heard "28" and knew that you had been born - they had just announced your time of birth but I hadn't heard the beginning part. I didn't know if it was closer to 9:30, 10:30, or 11:30, and I didn't care. I hadn't heard you yet. Jodie said "you have a baby!" and then, finally, I heard you crying. (You sounded mad.) I saw some action over to my left- you getting to the warmer near the pediatrician, who examined you and declared you stable. While she was doing that, Daddy came over and whispered to me, "We have an Alex." I knew that meant that you were a girl, because we'd decided to name you Jonas if you were a boy.
A couple of minutes later (after I'd thrown up), Daddy brought you over to me. You were wearing the yellow hat I'd knit for you and were wrapped in one of the hospital's receiving blankets. You didn't look like I expected, but I was really happy with how you looked - better than I could have made up on my own. Really cute, especially for a newborn. You weren't crying anymore, just hanging out in your Daddy's arms with your eyes closed. I could reach your head only enough to kiss you and rub your ear with one hand. You and I and Daddy stayed like this until I was stitched up and beginning to be a little sore. We were ready to go back into the recovery room, and I was tired. Jodie tried to help us begin to breastfeed, but I was so tired I was fighting to keep my eyes open, and you weren't much more alert but were doing better than I was, anyway. I fell asleep and could vaguely hear your Daddy and Jodie talking. I think Daddy got something to eat. He helped the nurse give you your first bath and cut the umbilical cord.
When I woke up, it was much easier to focus on what was going on around me. Pretty soon after that, we moved to our post partum room, which is where we would be staying for the next 4 days. There was more practice with nursing, and more sleeping, and lots of people coming in and out to take vital signs for you and me and show your daddy and me the basics of newborn care (like changing diapers - your dad did almost all of those, since I still hadn't been given the ok to get out of bed.).
There is a lot more I could write about recovering from birth and our stay in the hospital, but I don't think it would really interest you much. A couple of highlights:
The nursing info board in our room had a place for a daily plan. In that space when we moved in was written "get to know Alex, breastfeeding, skin-to-skin".
We had incredible nurses over the weekend, even overnight.They were friendly, helpful, patient, and thought you were just adorable (you were).
All your grandparents came to visit that night and again on Sunday. They all held you. Many, many pictures were taken.
Your auntie, Bubba, and Nana came to visit on Sunday night. More pictures, more holding. That was a really fun visit.
We had some trouble getting started with the breastfeeding, so they gave me a nipple shield to use. You wouldn't suck more than a couple of times without one, and even after that and after using a pump, we had to supplement with formula a little because you never seemed "satisfied" after feeding on both sides and getting whatever milk I could pump.
Your newborn going-home outfit was enormous! The pants fit okay, but the top went down to your knees and the sleeves were nearly double the correct length.
I'm really glad you're home and that you've been doing okay. There are concerns about your weight (not gaining it back after birth quickly enough) and your hips (loose joints). We're doing round-the-clock feeding with you, and it's definitely not easy. Round-the-clock means every 2 hours during the day and every 3 hours at night. You seem to always want to either eat early (or really long after I'm supposed to have stopped) or sleep past a feeding time. Or both. Your newest trick is to nurse for longer than you should, and then cry for more when I go to pump. Today your Daddy was at a meeting for 5 hours and you wouldn't let me put you down for four of them.
Tomorrow you have two doctor's appointments: One in the morning for your hips and one in the afternoon to check your weight again. I hope it's been going up so we can stop going to the doctor's every other day.
Right now Daddy has taken you to his office, and I am alone at home. This time to be quiet and take a shower and maybe sleep for a little bit is nice, even though I'm wondering how you Daddy will be able to work and hold you at the same time. He hasn't brought anything with him but you and a big blanket.
I love you,
~Mommy
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