Oh, my baby. I'm hoping this will be the time. Your daddy and I have begun our IVF cycle and hopefully you'll be in your very beginning stages in the next couple of weeks, even though I may not know about your existence for certain for a little longer than that. I hope you're here for Thanksgiving. However, if you are, your grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. won't know - just me and Daddy. We want to keep the pressure off ourselves to know by a certain date, and to have a wonderful, sweet secret before everyone finds out.
I've started knitting baby socks. They may not be for you - especially if you decide to skip this (very expensive, complicated) cycle, but I feel like I want to do something to show faith and positive thinking. The shawl I started is too complicated to knit sometimes, like when I'm waiting for appointments, and I'm rather curious to see how many little baby socks I can make out of the skein of sock yarn I've chosen, and/or how many I can make by the time I get the IVF results.
I love you and hope you come to us soon,
Your Mom
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I haven't been able to give you a chance to come into being in awhile. We're having some issues with insurance, so we've had to wait to try for you again. But we should be able to give you a chance sometime in November or December, when insurance kicks in again and can approve our IVF cycle.
I'm missing you. A friend of ours announced that she's going to have a baby in March, and it made me sad because I want *you* so very much. I dreamed about you last night, that you and I were at the hospital, right after you were delivered and we were left alone. I put you to my breast to nurse you and you latched right on! Your Daddy wasn't there, which was weird, so after you went to sleep I tried to call him, but my phone batteries wouldn't stay in. I couldn't tell anyone you were here! The nurses were very nice though, and you had beautiful blue eyes and dark hair.
It makes me partly sad to think about the dream because I want you here still, when I'm awake, and I can't have you yet. But I'm trying to stay strong because one way or another, you're going to be here, someday.
I can't wait to finally hold you in my arms!
Love,
Mommy
I'm missing you. A friend of ours announced that she's going to have a baby in March, and it made me sad because I want *you* so very much. I dreamed about you last night, that you and I were at the hospital, right after you were delivered and we were left alone. I put you to my breast to nurse you and you latched right on! Your Daddy wasn't there, which was weird, so after you went to sleep I tried to call him, but my phone batteries wouldn't stay in. I couldn't tell anyone you were here! The nurses were very nice though, and you had beautiful blue eyes and dark hair.
It makes me partly sad to think about the dream because I want you here still, when I'm awake, and I can't have you yet. But I'm trying to stay strong because one way or another, you're going to be here, someday.
I can't wait to finally hold you in my arms!
Love,
Mommy
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Whatever
IVf cycle was canceled, IUI probably sometime around Saturday, give or take a day. At this point, kid, you're on your own. If you're going to come this month, great. But I've got too much to worry about what with starting a new job and D maybe getting a promotion and both of us maybe moving to worry about whether or not you're going to deign to show up this time. That's really all I have to say to or about you right now. We still want you, and want you ASAP, but at this point - whatever. I have other things to worry about besides when you're going to decide to join us.
Love you anyway,
Mom
Love you anyway,
Mom
Monday, July 12, 2010
Big guns
I am so excited, Baby.
We've gotten the go-ahead to start an IVF cycle. The timing is really good, since the major events will all be over by the time school starts again, so I won't miss any/ much work. The idea of having you with me at school this year makes me really happy. I've been dreaming about telling our family that I'm pregnant and all of them being just as excited to meet you as I am (well, almost as excited!) Every time I start a new cycle I figure out when I would know by and what family gathering is after that. This time it might be Labor Day, when my parents (your grandparents, but I don't know what they'll want you to call them yet) have a cookout. That may be too early, so I'm working on an alternate plan.
If this cycle doesn't work I won't be able to try to get you going again until around Christmas-time. Please come this cycle. Everyone really wants to meet you.
I love you,
~Mommy
We've gotten the go-ahead to start an IVF cycle. The timing is really good, since the major events will all be over by the time school starts again, so I won't miss any/ much work. The idea of having you with me at school this year makes me really happy. I've been dreaming about telling our family that I'm pregnant and all of them being just as excited to meet you as I am (well, almost as excited!) Every time I start a new cycle I figure out when I would know by and what family gathering is after that. This time it might be Labor Day, when my parents (your grandparents, but I don't know what they'll want you to call them yet) have a cookout. That may be too early, so I'm working on an alternate plan.
If this cycle doesn't work I won't be able to try to get you going again until around Christmas-time. Please come this cycle. Everyone really wants to meet you.
I love you,
~Mommy
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Why?
Dear Baby,
I'm very sad that you're not here this month. I feel like I've been waiting for you forever and will never get to meet you. Is there anything else you need me to be doing? Am I not doing something you need to become you? Or is there something that I *am* doing that I should stop? Is the donor we have picked out not the one you want to be your donor?
Your mommy is not a patient person, especially when it comes to meeting you. Please let me know what you need so you can join our family.
Next chance is in about a month - you've got approximately 6 weeks to get ready for our last IUI.
I love you and want to meet you asap!!
Lots of love,
Mommy
I'm very sad that you're not here this month. I feel like I've been waiting for you forever and will never get to meet you. Is there anything else you need me to be doing? Am I not doing something you need to become you? Or is there something that I *am* doing that I should stop? Is the donor we have picked out not the one you want to be your donor?
Your mommy is not a patient person, especially when it comes to meeting you. Please let me know what you need so you can join our family.
Next chance is in about a month - you've got approximately 6 weeks to get ready for our last IUI.
I love you and want to meet you asap!!
Lots of love,
Mommy
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Are you in there??
If so, please give me some sort of a sign, as I am not feeling that you're there at all right now. And these negative home pregnancy tests I keep getting aren't helping. So, I sort of doubt that you've started to form yet, but if you have, it would be nice to know. Today is day 12 past the IUI, so if you're there, you will definitely have implanted by tomorrow at the latest. I really wish I could get a blood test on a Saturday at the doctor's, but most likely they will make me wait. Your mommy does not like to wait longer than necessary. And we're skipping trying next month because Mommy does not want to do another (painful) IUI without Daddy there.
You get one more chance, in August, before we bring out the big guns. And those won't be coming in till December or so, as Mommy needs to go back to work.
This would have been a good cycle to come, Baby. We miss you.
Lots of love,
Mom
You get one more chance, in August, before we bring out the big guns. And those won't be coming in till December or so, as Mommy needs to go back to work.
This would have been a good cycle to come, Baby. We miss you.
Lots of love,
Mom
Sunday, June 27, 2010
A day trip without you
Your daddy and I went on a day trip yesterday. I missed having you there. Getting out there was uneventful, and kinda of boring. If you'd been there we would have talked to you about what we saw - the trees, the signs, the towns we passed. We'd have sung songs and looked for out of state license plates.
We probably would have had a clearer destination in mind so we wouldn't spend an hour driving around looking for the best place to park to get to the beach - or maybe that part would have been the same. We drove aimlessly, in a really good way, exploring a wildlife refuge on an island between the marsh and the ocean. We walked down natural paths and on boardwalk paths through the marsh and woods. We sat on a bench in a "bird blind" (bird viewing area) and watched storks and seagulls glide over the grasses and water. We raced back to the car and your dad let me win. We both would have let you win if you'd been with us, and read the signs in the bird blind to you.
We climbed an observation tower and had lunch. Daddy would have shown you the beaver dam we saw and how to tell if the water was at high, half, or low tide. Our walk on the marsh boardwalk would have been slower, and we would probably have read through the trail guide and talked to you about what plants and animals we saw. And I would have had to wash both you and Daddy down for having been touched by poison ivy back at the car!
We would have parked in the park ranger's parking space to go to the beach earlier than we did, and I might have gone into the water with you, or watched while you and Daddy played in the ocean and made sand castles. I would have held your hand as we walked over the rocks and helped you try to make a cairn or a shelter from driftwood. There wouldn't have been time for me to do logic puzzles or knit, but I would have had so much more fun playing with you than doing any of those things.
You may have gotten tired and fallen apart in the car as we drove around the shore area and looked at houses. We may have stopped and eaten earlier if you'd wanted to. We may have gotten out and looked at the carnival we came across if you'd wanted to. As it was, we ended up strolling through a picturesque seaside area as shops were closing up and having really great, cheap food and watching a baseball game on a huge TV. You would have loved it, if you'd still been awake.
And even during our moon viewing, which was very peaceful and romantic with just the two of us, I couldn't help wondering how the scene would look if you were there. Would you be asleep in one of our arms, or in a stroller? Sitting between us and helping us come up with ideas of what the moon looked like as the clouds slid past it? Hopping around and having us chase you away from the dangerous rock slope?
You and I would both have fallen asleep on the way home - or maybe not. Daddy usually needs the windows open so the cool air keeps him alert. Maybe I would have driven (with the windows closed) so you two could sleep. When we got home, we would have carried you in and tucked you in to bed before we unpacked the bag and cooler and gotten ready for bed ourselves. And this morning, you and I might have made breakfast for Daddy, or started our house cleaning chores, or watched cartoons until Daddy got up.
I miss you and really want to take day trips with you when you get here. The sooner the better. :)
Love you,
Mommy
We probably would have had a clearer destination in mind so we wouldn't spend an hour driving around looking for the best place to park to get to the beach - or maybe that part would have been the same. We drove aimlessly, in a really good way, exploring a wildlife refuge on an island between the marsh and the ocean. We walked down natural paths and on boardwalk paths through the marsh and woods. We sat on a bench in a "bird blind" (bird viewing area) and watched storks and seagulls glide over the grasses and water. We raced back to the car and your dad let me win. We both would have let you win if you'd been with us, and read the signs in the bird blind to you.
We climbed an observation tower and had lunch. Daddy would have shown you the beaver dam we saw and how to tell if the water was at high, half, or low tide. Our walk on the marsh boardwalk would have been slower, and we would probably have read through the trail guide and talked to you about what plants and animals we saw. And I would have had to wash both you and Daddy down for having been touched by poison ivy back at the car!
We would have parked in the park ranger's parking space to go to the beach earlier than we did, and I might have gone into the water with you, or watched while you and Daddy played in the ocean and made sand castles. I would have held your hand as we walked over the rocks and helped you try to make a cairn or a shelter from driftwood. There wouldn't have been time for me to do logic puzzles or knit, but I would have had so much more fun playing with you than doing any of those things.
You may have gotten tired and fallen apart in the car as we drove around the shore area and looked at houses. We may have stopped and eaten earlier if you'd wanted to. We may have gotten out and looked at the carnival we came across if you'd wanted to. As it was, we ended up strolling through a picturesque seaside area as shops were closing up and having really great, cheap food and watching a baseball game on a huge TV. You would have loved it, if you'd still been awake.
And even during our moon viewing, which was very peaceful and romantic with just the two of us, I couldn't help wondering how the scene would look if you were there. Would you be asleep in one of our arms, or in a stroller? Sitting between us and helping us come up with ideas of what the moon looked like as the clouds slid past it? Hopping around and having us chase you away from the dangerous rock slope?
You and I would both have fallen asleep on the way home - or maybe not. Daddy usually needs the windows open so the cool air keeps him alert. Maybe I would have driven (with the windows closed) so you two could sleep. When we got home, we would have carried you in and tucked you in to bed before we unpacked the bag and cooler and gotten ready for bed ourselves. And this morning, you and I might have made breakfast for Daddy, or started our house cleaning chores, or watched cartoons until Daddy got up.
I miss you and really want to take day trips with you when you get here. The sooner the better. :)
Love you,
Mommy
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